Tuesday, June 3, 2014

10:52pm June 3rd, 2014

I have been trying to write a blog post for several weeks now and I haven’t once finished it in a timely enough manner that I wanted to post it. Here goes…(again)

I have been fighting with my weight and body image for a while and fighting with feeling as though I am not sexy or desirable. And I know that a lot of this ties into the fact that I am surrounded by and bombarded with images of what society deems to be attractive and I don’t fit any of those stereotypes.  My solution has been to start a private tumblr where I can focus on non-mainstream ideals of beauty and sexiness and desirability. So far it seems to be helping. Hopefully I can keep up with it and it will be helpful.

I have been back on skates several times lately and I feel better about it every time I lace up. I have not made it into the gym though. I am doing a good job of not beating myself up about that. Between work and derby I am spending easily 60 hours a week doing this outside of my house. Sometimes I just want to sit at home and veg. But I do need to keep trying to make an effort. I will get there.

Meanwhile, I am working, working, working. I have a set number of hours on my contract and I want to have it complete no later than probably the 12th of September (it officially ends on the 16th.) So far I have been holding my own to get the hours that I need and while it is going to make for some long weeks I am not feeling nearly as drained by this as I was when I did ALL those hours in one month last year. I am still watching the want ads for a job, but if nothing materializes then I will stay here until something does. And maybe a full-time spot will open here. That would be pretty excellent.

JD and I have had some rather long and introspective conversations as of late and it has been really good for us to have had these talks. I think we are continuing to grow as a couple and it is wonderful. We have some plans for next weekend since I am doing derby stuff this weekend and the following weekend and things are progressing about as well as I think they can be.  We are coming up on two years together in August and there are some days that it seems like forever and other days when two years seems impossible. Here’s to many, many more.

And after several weeks of trying to write I have managed to complete a blog post. I think I will email it to myself and put it up on the blog later since I am at the office right now. It is 530pm on June 2, 2014. How long before I remember to post this one? LOL (And the answer is roughly 29.5 hours from the time of completion.)