Thursday, August 8, 2013

A mix of complaints

*sigh* I'm really starting to have serious doubts about whether or not I can complete my hours before my term is up at the beginning of September. If I only had the one job it wouldn't be so bad, but going to bed at 1 and getting up at 5 simply is not happening for me and I need it to be happening in order to maximize the time I am spending at the office to get everything sorted out.

I'm tired of my feet and ankles swelling to absolutely massive proportions, I'm tired of my jeans not fitting, I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of my moods being all over the place and I want to know when it will be my turn for life to get a little easier. I'm starting to think my turn got skipped....

Yes, I know this is another whiny post but I am so tired I can't see straight and my day has only just begun. I am also CONSTANTLY hungry. Not a little bit hungry and not thirsty, but this deep gnawing hunger that no amount of food seems to be able to satiate. It is just one more thing that is wrong with me.

I try to keep things outwardly positive to people that I have to interact with (another thing that wears me out) so I'm not just dumping things on them, but I'm so over even trying to be even remotely cheerful and pleasant that I've started just not saying much of anything. Being quiet is simply less effort than putting on a fake smile and going thru the motions. Right now I can barely seem to manage the effort to drag myself out of bed and make it to work in a reasonable time frame, which given my hours that need to get done is something of a disaster in and of itself. I don't even know why I'm writing this all down and I certainly don't know what my positive mention in this post is going to be. I barely know my own name I feel like. Uuuhhhhhh....

I know I've already talked briefly about moving and the new place being cheaper overall so that's a positive that's out there already, I think I don't talk often enough about the amazing person in my life who treats me wonderfully (I love you, Darlin') even if they area having a bad day, and I guess I'm lucky that I have a job(s) and food and a roof over my head, but I want more out of life than just those most basic of things. I want to be able to travel and do things I love and try new things that I've never done and get back to playing roller derby because I love the sport and I miss it like there's no tomorrow.

Hmph...even my positive paragraph turned glum. I think I give up for now.

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