Sunday, August 11, 2013

thoughts and ramblings

I am making significant progress on my hours for work. But I'm still terrified that it won't be enough and I don't know if I will be granted an extension or not. All I need is a week or two, but that doesn't means I'm going to get it. I do appear to be OK for having a job as the funding is there to renew my contract and I think that if there weren't going to keep me I would've been told by now so that's not a bad thing.

We have started moving some smaller things over to the new apartment and I'm hopeful that we can be out of here by the end of this month for sure. I would like to already be out of here, but since the landlords are still finishing up some work on the new place and we're not paying rent on this place then it's not too bad of a thing really.

I got really wound up and manic yesterday (dinner, rolls/bread, and dessert all done in something like two hours...involved stuff too, like chopping 3lbs of veggies) followed by a quiet evening until I totally lost my shit in the middle of the night and got so wrapped up in my own head that I didn't know where I was for a good hour or so. JD couldn't pull me out of the funk I was in so he just let me run my course, then helped me back to bed and made sure I tried to sleep. But the nightmares were awful; I knew they would be after having gotten myself so worked up. I go see my psych tomorrow so we will see what he has to say...probably nothing good since I'm off my meds since probably mid-July.

Today I still feel very anxious and jumpy. I'm sure it is just a side effect of last night, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I makes me not want to do anything other than hide in my house, but I have to leave at some point today and go to the office even if it is only for a few hours. After that I intend to come home and veg out for the evening until bed time. I think (given that it is after 12pm) I should probably get off my computer and get moving so I can go to the office, do what needs done, and come home.

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