Merry Whatever and Happy Everything

I’m feeling somewhat sad today for some reason. I’m assuming that my melancholia is related to the holiday season as it tends to be this time of year. I’ve never been a big holiday or Christmas person and would celebrate with those around me, but as I got older it often seemed to be so over commercialized that it was more of a hassle than anything. And then my life did a complete 180 and I went from a big crazy to-do with my ex and his family into something much different.

Last year and this year JD and I opted to forgo gifts for each other, to not put up any decorations, and to enjoy the time with one another. I am getting gifts for some family members but keeping to a reasonable budget as money is already tight and I’m finding that this seems to be a much better way to go. I think at some point I might be open to the idea of JD and I exchanging small gifts, but with finances the way they are it doesn’t seem practical or feasible. And honestly, he spoils me in so many little ways that I can’t imagine what he could get me that I really would want or need. Certainly there would be things I would enjoy, but they are only things.

It is much more tangible for us to enjoy a meal together (either as a rare outing or cooking together) or to cuddle in bed talking, to revel in the feeling of a massage with coconut oil after a long day, or simply to be with one another in the quiet early mornings when we can’t sleep. I get flowers sometimes for no reason at all. I almost never pump my own gas; I am not incapable of this, but it happens to be something I hate doing and JD makes sure that there is gas in the car for me.  And there are a million and one other little things that he does for me to show his love. I don’t need bits and bobs and baubles to know that and I don’t need an over saturated and saccharine sweet Hallmark perfect holiday either.

I just need him. (And if we’re feeling extravagant a bottle of wine.) We can always find something to talk about, but there are times when we simply relish the silence of being together.

And reading over this post I realize how my first few sentences describing my sadness are so out of place with the rest of it. And that my sadness and melancholy feeling has faded as quickly as it came. Maybe I just needed a reminder that there is more than shopping and overspending. Maybe I just needed to reflect for a moment on how my life has changed.  *shrug* At any rate, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Blessed Solstice to anyone out there reading this.