Monday, December 9, 2013

Starting Again

I’ve gotten off track with my writing again. So here is another entry to see if I can get back on track with things. I spent the weekend vegging out and not getting anything done. So today after work I need to do both grocery shopping AND laundry. I think JD has some master plan so we can get it all done without making ourselves crazy. 

The new meds are easier for me to remember to take them even though I am taking more meds at multiple doses. And according to JD he thinks that they might be helping, although it seems like (to me) that it is really too early to be able to tell. The fact that I didn’t have a giant melt down after some pretty intense activity that usually results in some fallout is a promising thing. Or at least it seems to be…

I’m also finding that I am considering getting back into going to the gym and feeling like that is something that I want to do and keep trying at. Last time I went on my kick and lost about ten pounds, but there were other benefits that JD has pointed out multiple times and it only finally started to sink in not long ago. Apparently I was sleeping better, my moods were more stable, and I felt better in general. It shouldn’t matter that I wasn’t losing weight like crazy and I couldn’t see the progress that I was making. I couldn’t see those other beneficial things but that doesn’t mean that they weren’t there and my inability to see my own progress does not mean that I should have given up and stopped going. Instead of looking at the gym as a means to an end (i.e. a way to get back in shape for roller derby) perhaps I should be looking at it as a way to lead all around healthier life. If it leads to my return to roller derby as a skater then that is simply another benefit of taking care of myself. If I lose 60 pounds then I lose 60 pounds. But if I don’t then I need to not obsess over that and simply keep pushing to be a better me. 

And being a better me doesn’t mean that I have to change myself from the inside out. Being a better me means that I need to be me and accept myself for who I am flaws and all. I can still work on changing those flaws, but my goal should be overall acceptance instead of complete and total change. And that is a goal to work towards in and of itself. Here’s hoping that I can keep that in mind and keep working towards it and remember that even though there will be times when I want to give up or when I have setbacks that I can always start again.

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