My insomnia kicked in last night (probably aided by a cup of coffee that I shouldn't have had) and I was planning o going into work this afternoon for a few hours. Instead after I manged to wake up and shower I wanted to do a bit of writing regarding a prompt that I found because I'm trying to work through some of my issues and this prompt inspired me a bit.
Unfortunately the writing that I did also caused me to have flashbacks of a very traumatic time and I ended up a wreck in my bed curled up with my boyfriend. By the time I was calmed down enough to even consider showing up for work it seemed pointless to do so. So here I am. Writing again. I'm starting to become very afraid that I will lose the ability to hold down a job and that I won't be able to afford to pay my rent or for my car and that I will just lose everything and that I will spiral into a mess that I can't escape from.
I have no idea what to do or how to address this. It makes me incredibly anxious and scared for my (our) future. I don't want to turn into a head case who can't function as a normal member of society but I struggle very hard with going to therapy and trying to actually talk about my problems. I do have a new therapist that I just started seeing though so I am hopeful that perhaps she will be more helpful to me than the others have been.
I just wish I could catch a break and not seem to feel so constantly buried and stressed out all the time over the simplest things...