Saturday, September 14, 2013

Old habit number one (How many of these might I realize I still have?)

It has been more than a year since I split from my ex-husband. In fact, at the end of November I will have been officially divorced for one year. I've also been with my current boyfriend for more than a year. and even so, I still find it quite strange sometimes that I can do as I please. If I'm not home when my boyfriend wakes up all he asks is that I've let him know in advance or left him a note just so he knows where I am. Also, if I forgot to leave him the note he wouldn't even be mad, probably just wonder where I've gotten off to.

My ex on the other hand expected me to be home to wait on him or if I was gone I had better magically know when he would be awake and be home soon after he got up so I could take care of him. And if I forgot to leave a note he would freak out and call me because he just had to know where I was and what I was doing. And Gods forbid I not answer my cell phone...that was always a battle. And yes, sometimes, I was a bad wife and would deliberately not answer my phone. Although I wonder if that makes me bad because I am an adult and certainly should be able to go do something on my own without having a keeper. maybe that was just one of the little things I did so I didn't start screaming at the man. *shrug* Anyway, I no longer have to deal with any of that.

But I still fall back onto old habits it seems. JD is asleep in the bedroom and I've been up for a while now. I could, clean house, bake, cook, go for a walk, knit, go to the gym, go check out the craft fair down the street, or do any number of things. instead I have been drifting aimlessly because I don't know what I want to do. There are so many things I could do and I wouldn't have to be worried or anxious about getting screamed at that I simply don't know what to do. It is a bit baffling that I still feel this way after more than a year with this wonderful man. Maybe one day I will break this habit and feel less anxious about doing things alone. We shall see, but in the meantime getting my thoughts down appears to have helped. I think I'll go do...well...something at least.

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