Sunday, September 8, 2013

Returning to Roller Derby

I've been off-skates for a good year now for the most part. Working two jobs, dealing with my divorce and trying to handle my subsequent mental health crisis along with an uprising of physical health problems was just too much. So I let something that I love slip to wayside. I try to stay involved by announcing at home bouts, but it's not the same as skating. Not even close. I miss it. I miss it a lot. I can't watch my team skate as "just" a spectator without feeling sad and a little anxious about it. That's why I announce in part. It gives me something to do that keeps me connected AND it keeps me from being a mess watching these ladies skate their hearts out and knowing that I've lost my place on the track.

That said, I feel as though I might be getting to a point where I am ready to get back to the gym and eventually back on my skates. The problem is that this is also coming at a time when money is tighter and is likely to get a little tighter. So I have to balance my desire to make my way back into roller derby with the reality of being an adult and keeping my bills paid. I do have a little bit of time to work out how I'm going to get back on skates since I intend to dedicate some time at the gym before I lace back up so maybe a solution will present itself in the meantime.

My next dilemma is figuring out exactly how I want to approach getting back on m skates. I'm sure that I'm out of practice. I'm sure that my skills are weak, and I'm sure that I want to be rostered next season. By my count I have (roughly) 4 and half months to get myself back into bouting shape. I might have more time as I should be able to test for the roster at any point after January if I don't make it right away, but I am determined to do this. It means I have a lot of work to do in the next four months and one of the things on my list HAS to be figuring out why I am having some rather unexplainable physical health issues and get them taken care of. Obviously I have put on a not insignificant amount of weight since my derby and gym routines went by the wayside. I have to get a handle on that and I have to figure out why my right foot is in a good deal of pain if I even walk too much. The weight I can partially skate off, but I have to get my foot figured out before I can really do a lot of skating again. I will bring it up at my next dr. appt. later this month and start going to the gym in the meantime.

Beyond that I will get myself back on skates when I am ready and I'm hopeful that I can be back on skates before the end of the year. I don't want to set a hardline goal for myself because if I don't make that goal for some reason (medical or not) then I don't want to freak out and panic about it and become a mess for a day or three. And with my mental issues that could happen so I'm trying to NOT set myself up for failure (inadvertent or not) and instead to elarn to roll with the punches and be a bit more flexible. Right now I'm thinking gym tomorrow on my way home for as long as I can reasonably manage. And then to repeat that process all week long. And repeat. Repeatedly. :)

I think weights and light cardio are going to be where I start as I quite enjoy weights and I'm unsure how I will react to any sort of cardio at all as I've been having some issues with shortness of breath and my legs cramping and stiffening up if I walk more than a block or so. I'm starting to feel like some of it is highly related to my weight gain and that I may simply be very sensitive to body changes above a certain weight so I want to get that number on the scale back down or to lean down and pick up enough muscle that it doesn't bother me quite so much. Ideally I want to drop a total of 100 pounds over the course of time, but depending on how much muscle I gain that may not work out exactly as I have planned. Provided that I feel better, look better, and can eventually make my way back on skates and to a healthier, better Dixie I will deal with whatever the scale tells me. Because honestly the number on the scale is just that. A number.

And I am trying very hard and will keep trying to remind myself that it is just a number and not all numbers matter. What I weight or what size jeans I wear doesn't matter in the long run. That doesn't mean that it was easy to buy a pair of size 24 jeans just the other day because they are what currently fits me. But that doesn't mean they will ALWAYS fit. I was almost back down into a size 16 last summer. I can get there again I think. And if I can't I can still be fit at any size. And I can still lace up my skates and hit bitches. It just takes time.

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